“The old version of you simply doesn’t fit anymore, like shoes that are too small. You can keep wearing them and walking around uncomfortable if you want to, or you can size up and learn how to walk again.”
—Kishea Boyd
We reach a point where success looks fine on the outside but feels heavy on the inside. Old labels, safe environments, and expectations start to clash with what God is stirring beneath the surface. This message speaks to the tension of outgrowing who we used to be.
Keisha walks through the spiritual and emotional work of releasing identities that no longer align with God’s purpose. Her insight comes from personal surrender, deep reflection, and learning when to let go without guilt.
Explore the episode and reflect on:
- Identity beyond titles like mother, wife, or friend
- Why growth often feels like loss before clarity arrives
- The fear and doubt that surface when God calls us forward
- Releasing relationships that cannot come with us
- How obedience sharpens spiritual direction
- Using silence, journaling, and prayer to realign purpose
Episode Highlights:
02:10 The Cost of People-Pleasing and Losing Your Voice
03:30 Letting Go of the Old Self: Faith, Change & Unfamiliar Territory
05:10 Embracing Change: Permission to Grow and Move
07:10 Guided Journaling Exercise: Find Your Next Step
08:10 Embracing Your God-Given Identity
Resources:
- Coaching Service: https://www.shapedonpurpose.com/services
Quotes:
03:16 “Most of us didn’t even know what identity was. We thought identity meant being a mom, being a wife, being a friend, serving in ministry, doing our job well, but we never stopped to ask, What does God call me?” —Kishea Boyd
04:51 “The old version of you simply doesn’t fit anymore, like shoes that are too small. You can keep wearing them and walking around uncomfortable if you want to, or you can size up and learn how to walk again.” —Kishea Boyd
05:57 “Some people need you to stay the version of you that’s comfortable for them. They feel needed by you, but they’re also taking advantage of your availability, and when you change, it forces them to look at themselves.” —Kishea Boyd
08:35 “You don’t need the next five steps. You just need the next one. God gives light for the step you’re on, not the whole staircase.” —Kishea Boyd
09:13 “Your identity is not what people call you, it’s what God calls you.” —Kishea Boyd
Kishea Boyd is a woman whose journey began not with triumph, but with a search—for identity, purpose, and the heart of God in every season. After serving over 20 years in the U.S. Coast Guard, where she honed resilience and leadership, she found her true strength not in uniform, but in faith. Rededicating her life to Christ in 1999 marked a turning point, leading her into ministry, mentorship, and a deeper understanding of who she was called to be. Through the joys of family life with her husband, Quinton, and their son, Kameron, and through the challenges that shaped her, Kishea has learned that God’s love never lets go. Today, she lives to help others rediscover identity, healing, and purpose through Him.
Transcipt:
Hey, sis, I see you. The strong one, the faithful one. The woman who keeps showing up for everyone else while quietly wondering if anyone still sees her. You can breathe now. You’re safe here.
I’m Kishea Boyd, The Identity Midwife. This podcast was created to help you rediscover who you are right in the middle of real life. Here, we talk about faith, healing, identity, and the gentle work of becoming. You don’t have to fix a thing, just lean in. You’ve been located.
Kishea Boyd: Hey, this is Kishea Boyd, and you’re listening to The Identity Midwife Podcast. I’m so glad you’re here, whether this is your first time listening, or you’ve been walking with me for a while, welcome. Now, in the last episode, we talked about why obedience feels uncomfortable, why resistance doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It often means you’re close. Today, we’re going to have a different kind of conversation.
This is Episode 11, and this one is personal. This is the episode where identity starts shifting. So wherever you are, take a breath, and let’s talk. If Crystal was sitting across from me right now, the first thing I’d say is, girl, breathe. Just breathe. And I look her in the eyes and ask her, where are you right now? How are you really feeling? Not the churchy answer. Not the Christianese answer. Not the strong woman answer, the real one. If you didn’t have to be this perfect Christian, the perfect wife, the perfect mother, what’s actually on your heart? Do you want to scream? Run away? Do you want to pack a bag and not tell anybody where you’re going? Because sis, you look tired.
Crystal is tired of pretending she’s okay on the outside. Crystal looks like she has it all together. Her makeup is beat. She smells good, she looks the part. She drives a nice car. But inside, she knows there has to be more. She doesn’t feel seen, she doesn’t feel chosen, she doesn’t feel heard. And because she’s been pleasing people for so long, doing for everybody else, she’s learned how to smile and say, oh, I’m fine. Even when she’s not. Crystal is still protecting the perfect patty mentality. She’s the responsible one, the strong one, the one who doesn’t need any help, the one who doesn’t want to disappoint anyone. But people have been disappointing her for years, and she just keeps taking it. And it has cost her. It cost her joy. It cost her her peace. It cost her her voice.
Here’s the thing, most of us didn’t even know what identity was. We thought identity meant being a mom, being a wife, being a friend, serving in ministry, doing our job well. But we never stopped to ask, what does God call me? Because when we get to heaven, we’re going to have a new name, and we shouldn’t be shocked by it. But we will be if we never took the time to get to know him. Here, I know what my family calls me. I know the nicknames people gave me, but what does the Lord call me? What is he calling me to become who God called you to be? Often feels like losing yourself, and that’s because you are losing a part of yourself. The part that plays it safe, the part that stays small, the part that fits old environments.
Letting go of what’s familiar is scary, especially when God brings someone into your life, a mentor, a coach, a voice who starts calling you higher. Now, that process is uncomfortable, and you’ll want to shrink back. You’ll want to run back to what feels safe. You’re like, find somebody else. It ain’t me. You don’t feel like you’re equipped, like you have it. And then those thoughts come, what if I’m not who they think I am? What if I’m not who God says I am? What if God got it all wrong? But the truth is, the old version of you simply doesn’t fit anymore. Shoes that are too small, you can keep wearing them and walking around uncomfortable if you want to. Or you can size up, and learn how to walk again.
***If your heart’s been heavy, if you’ve been searching for clarity or peace, I invite you to pause. Encounter Coaching is a one on one space where you can lay it all before Jesus and let him speak. Every encounter is different, but the outcome is always the same. Freedom, healing, and truth. Take the time. Give yourself this moment with the Father. The link is in the show notes.
Sometimes, letting go means letting go of old mindsets, old circles, old conversations. Even family members who want to stay stagnant, some people need you to stay the version of you that’s comfortable for them. They feel needed by you, but they’re also taking advantage of your availability. And when you change, it forces them to look at themselves. That’s why people say things like, girl, you’re acting funny. You change, so you think you are better. No, you’re just growing. This is where crystal needs permission.
Now, Jesus didn’t chase people. Think about the rich young ruler. Jesus didn’t want his money. He didn’t want his riches to become an idol. And when the man chose the idol, Jesus let him walk away. He didn’t chase them, and that gives you permission. When people leave, let them go. Because chasing them will only delay who you’re called to be.
Now, if Joy was sitting here, Joy knows this time. I’d ask her, where are you right now? Joy isn’t afraid of obedience. She’s afraid of losing control. She worries she’ll lose the part of herself that feels relatable to the people behind her. But here’s the truth, Joy, the people behind you are not the people you’re called to. If they’re not meant to go, they’re just not meant to go. And that’s okay. There comes a point where you just know. You know that you know, that you know. The closer you get to Jesus in His presence, in His Word, in worship, something starts happening on the inside of you, and God starts showing you faces. Women crying out, women hurting, women waiting. And he flips the script and says, that’s YOU for somebody else. It will be unfair to ignore that. Unfair to pretend you didn’t see it. That’s why he showed me the Waiting Room, not because it was cute, but because it was real. Real people, real lives. Listen, Jesus is coming back sooner than we think, and we must be busy. We must be about the father’s business. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. That is 1,440 minutes in a day. What are we doing with them?
So this week, Crystal, I’d invite you to do this. Sit in silence, journal, turn on some Julie True, and just start writing. You don’t need the next five steps. You just need the next one. God gives light for the step you’re on, not the whole staircase. If I could leave you with one sentence before you get up from the table, it would be this, Crystal, you are anointed for this. There is nobody on the planet who can do what God crafted you to do. Someone is begging, begging for you to show up. Now, timing matters. Just like pregnancy. You don’t rush to birth. But once you know, you prepare, and your identity is not what people called you, it’s what God calls you.
If this episode spoke to you, don’t just listen quietly. Like it, click that like button, share it, and leave a comment. Somebody needs this exact conversation. Thank you for spending this time with me. If this was helpful, like the episode, leave a comment, share it and subscribe, so we can keep walking this out together. And remember, you didn’t stumble on this by accident. God is very intentional, because you’ve been located by the Identity Midwife. I’ll see you in the next episode.
Before you go, take one more breath. The same God who shaped you still sees you. Every scar, every tear, every wind, nothing about your story is wasted. Today, speak to your heart, share with another woman who needs a reminder that she’s not alone. And when you’re ready to go deeper, everything you need is waiting for you in the show notes. Until next time. I’m Kishea Boyd, The Identity Midwife. And daughter, you’ve been located.