“Protect your value. Cover yourselves. Be modest. You don’t have to show everything to be seen. You’re already seen by the One who matters. When it’s God, you won’t have to beg anybody to choose you. You will already know that you’ve been chosen.”
—Kishea Boyd
They say, ‘the brightest smile hides the deepest pain’. And that is true for most of us. But if left unchecked, wounds that don’t heal linger in the decisions we make and the love we chase. Yet, even if sometimes we feel more like a breaking point than a breakthrough, there is still hope waiting on the other side of heartache.
In this episode, Kishea opens up about trusting the wrong people, the sting of broken promises, the pain of loneliness, survival after heartbreak, the risky turns taken when faith wavers, finding your voice, and learning you’re already seen.
Episode Highlights:
01:10 The Army Love
03:45 The Shock of Betrayal
07:07 Depressed And Smiling Through Pain
08:40 A New Path: Turning to Faith
11:07 A Reward That Wasn’t: Betrayed Again
12:37 Running From Faith: Risk and Rebellion
14:21 Uncovering Deeper Wounds and Protecting Value
Resources:
- Coaching Service: https://www.shapedonpurpose.com/services
Quotes:
04:43 “I was hurt, mostly hurt like I didn’t deserve that, like I’m a good person. And a lie planted itself right there: you’re good enough to be used but not chosen.” —Kishea Boyd
07:38 “So here I am again, pregnant, alone, rejected, same pattern, same pain, just a different face, and that same lie came back: you’re on it for what you can give, not for who you are. That broke something in me.” —Kishea Boyd
08:01 “I was still showing up for everybody else, smiling, encouraging, working, but I was so empty. I cried every night.” —Kishea Boyd
11:04 “I learned my mouth carries power.” —Kishea Boyd
13:57 “It was just quiet, no crying, no peace, just emptiness. That’s what shame sounds like: silent.” —Kishea Boyd
14:42 “I didn’t grow up with my father. Then I met him when I was 15, and because he never came looking for me, I spent years looking for him in other men. It wasn’t about lust; it wasn’t about longing. I wanted to be seen, to be chosen, to be protected, but I was chasing the wrong father. ” —Kishea Boyd
15:36 “Protect your value. Cover yourselves. Be modest. You don’t have to show everything to be seen. You’re already seen by the One who matters.” —Kishea Boyd
16:22 “When it’s God, you won’t have to beg anybody to choose you. You will already know that you’ve been chosen.” —Kishea Boyd
Kishea Boyd is a woman whose journey began not with triumph, but with a search—for identity, purpose, and the heart of God in every season. After serving over 20 years in the U.S. Coast Guard, where she honed resilience and leadership, she found her true strength not in uniform, but in faith. Rededicating her life to Christ in 1999 marked a turning point, leading her into ministry, mentorship, and a deeper understanding of who she was called to be. Through the joys of family life with her husband, Quinton, and their son, Kameron, and through the challenges that shaped her, Kishea has learned that God’s love never lets go. Today, she lives to help others rediscover identity, healing, and purpose through Him.
Transcipt:
Hey, sis, I see you. The strong one, the faithful one. The woman who keeps showing up for everyone else while quietly wondering if anyone still sees her. You can breathe now. You’re safe here.
I’m Kishea Boyd, The Identity Midwife. This podcast was created to help you rediscover who you are right in the middle of real life. Here, we talk about faith, healing, identity, and the gentle work of becoming. You don’t have to fix a thing, just lean in. You’ve been located.
Kishea Boyd: Hey, sis, have you ever smiled for everybody while you are low key breaking inside? Yeah, been there. You’re safe here. I’m Kishea Boyd, The Identity Midwife. And if anything in my story sounds like yours, you’ve been located.
Let me take you back to the beginning of this story. There was a guy I was dating. I was introduced to him by his sister. He was in the army, and I was in the Coast Guard. We weren’t in the same place, but we talked all the time, and I really thought he was it. I thought this was going to be the man I’d spend the rest of my life with. So he told me, when I come back, we’re going to be together. We’re going to get married. So he gets stationed overseas in Korea.
So at that time, when you get stationed in a place that is overseas or out the country, you can take on duties where, if you go for a year. When you get back, you get first pick wherever you want your next duty station to be. And so he has stated that he was going to be in the DC area, closer to Alexandria, and that was the reason why I picked that duty station. Because other than that, I would have never chosen that.
I’m a country girl from North Carolina. I was never a big city girl, so I believe them. He said, when I come back, we’re going to be together, we’re getting married and all these things. And I believed every word that he had said. So when it came time for me to pick my duty station, of course, I chose DC because that’s where he said he’d be when he get back. I was kind of like starting this home. And by this time, I had a daughter, so I basically rearranged my life around this promise. Really a lie, but this promise.
Then one random day, I’m just chilling at the house, sitting there, and I get a phone call. It’s his sister. She says, you’re taking this well. And I say, taking what well? And she says, you don’t know? And I say, I don’t know what? And she goes, about my brother. And I say, what about your brother? What is going on? She says he got married. His wife is pregnant with twins. I’m like, what? What are you talking about? She said, yeah, he got married. I just sat there stunned.
Have you ever had a moment where you literally cannot breathe, like somebody sucker punched you and knocked the wind out of you? That was me holding that phone like, this can’t be real because it takes months to get married, months to have a baby, and to know the sex of the baby. So what were we doing on the phone all these months? What were we doing? Why was I believing you away for just a year, and I’m over here planning a whole future with you? And he’s just talking to me like nothing happened.
I just remember thinking, wow, I was building a life around a lie. Talking about embarrassment. I was angry. I was hurt. Mostly hurt like I didn’t deserve that. I’m a good person. I didn’t deserve to be hurt like that, and a lie planet itself right there. You’re good enough to be used, but not chosen. So of course, I was distraught, went through all these crazy emotions, depression, just all these things. But I had to hold it together. I had to hold it together.
So time went on, and I started trying to pull myself back together. I was working in DC, doing my job, trying to stay busy. And one day, this guy came into the office and he was working for the commandant of the Coast Guard. So he was a really well put together guy, a real nice guy. So he was like somebody special, somebody important. He was handsome, respectful, funny, all the things. And I’ll be honest, I was drawn to him. I really didn’t want to get in a relationship, but I thought he was a nice guy. We worked in the same building, but on different floors, so we didn’t really talk at work. But after hours, we hung out. We talked. We hung out.
He liked different stuff. He was a more outdoorsy type of person. He liked hiking and dogs, and being outdoors and all this stuff that was kind of different for me. I wasn’t even into stuff like that, but I just enjoyed his company. So we got close, we hung out, and eventually ended up purchasing this dog together. It felt easy. It felt like maybe this time it would be different. So we just started this relationship. Then the months go by and he gets orders. He gets military orders. He is going to Hawaii. Okay, cool. I’m thinking, I like Hawaii. And when he told me that, I was like, okay, what does this mean for us? And in my head, I’m thinking, we can get married and go together. But then he says, nah, I don’t think this is gonna work out.
Out of nowhere, everything shifted. And a little while after that, I started feeling sick. I started feeling nauseous and stuff, so I took a test. Absolutely, of course, I’m pregnant. Today, I’m sitting here scared to tell him because I don’t want him to think I did anything on purpose. So I called him and he said flat out, it’s not going to work out between us. That was like no real reason, no conversation. It’s probably not going to work out. So he was just packing his bag and was heading over to Hawaii. So later on, I get a call from him, and he tells me that he got married.
He basically married somebody else and took her to Hawaii. So here I am again, pregnant, alone, rejected. Same pattern, same pain, just a different face, and that same lie came back. You’re on it for what you can give, not for who you are. That broke something in me. I didn’t even realize I slipped into depression. I was still showing up for everybody else, smiling, encouraging, working. But I was so empty. I cried every night, cried in the shower, cried while getting dressed, cried while putting on my uniform, crying while driving to work, just crying. And then I wipe my face before my child sees me, or wipe my face before I get into my office, and just keep pushing it. But God, he’s so strategic, and he’s so loving and kind.
***If your heart’s been heavy, if you’ve been searching for clarity or peace, I invite you to pause. Encounter Coaching is a one on one space where you can lay it all before Jesus and let him speak. Every encounter is different, but the outcome is always the same, freedom, healing and truth. Take the time. Give yourself this moment with the Father. The link is in the show notes.
So after that happened, he sent this amazing woman. She was my daycare provider for my daughter at the time, and she was like an older sister to me. She’s like a big sister. She was married, she had small children, and I used to just hang at her house all the time. It was just something about her, something I was drawn to like I always wanted to be around her. And so one day, she’s like, come on. You can go to church with me. And that’s how I ended up at victory. That’s how I ended up at this church in Maryland.
And at that first service, I cried like I hadn’t cried in years. I rededicated my life to God. And that day, I meant it. I stopped dating. I stopped sleeping around. I stopped entertaining foolishness, nonsense, anything that didn’t serve me. I just went all in. I gave my life to Christ. There was nothing else I wanted. Nothing from the world that I wanted, not a thing. I got rid of my music. I got rid of anything that was just inappropriate, anything that just vexed my spirit. Deleted my old contacts. I just focused on Jesus.
Then came a wonderful minister who just became like a spiritual mother to me. She was the one who taught me how to war in the spirit. She said, you don’t just sit back and take what life gives you. You use your words. So when my son’s father was saying things that I didn’t agree with, she said, speak what you want to see. And that’s what I did. Lord, I thank you that my son has a good relationship with his dad. I thank you that he’s loved and protected. And every time something didn’t look like that, I said it again. That’s when I learned that my mouth carries power.
And then I met a man who I thought was the reward for doing it right. He loved the Lord, read his Bible, honored me, and we did everything right. I mean, no sex, no compromise, nothing. We didn’t even barely hold hands. And so we ended up getting engaged for three years. I thought, finally. Finally, this is the way I’m supposed to live. This is the way I’m supposed to live my life for God. And I was so excited. Then one day he calls. We have been engaged for three years so I was like, this is amazing. This is awesome. He loved my kids, and it was just great. And then one day he calls and says, no, it’s not working out. Just like that saying, I’m about to go get some fried chicken or something, just the wind is blowing. Just casual.
And I remember thinking, God, what was the point of doing everything right if it still ends wrong. You’re talking about somebody angry. You’re talking about somebody ready to just give up. I was so angry. I was so humiliated. And it was not like a loud anger, it was an inward anger, the kind of anger that turns into silence. And when a woman is silent, ain’t mad, oh, she’s ready to tear something up. She’s ready to go off. And that silence turned into rebellion, and I backed away from church.
I started doing my own thing again, and that’s when I met this crazy bounty hunter. He was fine. He was bold. He was crazy. When I say crazy, I mean guns, temper, all of that. He was kind of scary, a little different than I would normally do. So I know I was not doing what I would. What the key should do was definitely out of character, and I wanted to be out of character. I just went into this mode like you put your car on cruise control. I just went, I don’t care. I just went all into just doing things that I had no business doing, doing things that were so far from God. But I was tired of being lonely. I was tired of being by myself. I was tired of doing everything right. Trying to be a church girl, so I tolerated the nonsense.
Then guess what? I found out I was pregnant, so I panicked. And before I could think, there was no fasting, there was no praying, I shut it all down. Shut my brain down. Didn’t even think. I went and got an abortion. Before I could turn my brain back on, I turned off every emotion I had. And afterwards, it was just quiet, no crying, no peace, just emptiness. That’s what shame sounds like. Silence. But even when I didn’t want to hear him, God didn’t stop chasing me.
One Sunday, a minister called me out and prayed over me. She had been reading my mail and I broke, I cried until I couldn’t breathe. That’s what Isaiah 61 says when he says, “He gives beauty for ashes.” That’s not poetry, that’s surgery. He was healing me from the inside out. But he wasn’t just healing my mistakes. He was showing me the root. He said, Kishea, it’s not just heartbreak, it’s the absence. See? I didn’t grow up with my father. I didn’t even know he existed until I was 14. Then I met him when I was 15. And because he never came looking for me, I spent years looking for him and other men. I didn’t know that’s what I was doing. But it is exactly what it was. It wasn’t about lust, it wasn’t about longing. I wanted to be seen, to be chosen, to be protected. But I was chasing the wrong father. Psalm 34 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.” I didn’t know he was that close.
Let me say this while I’m here, ladies, protect your values. Cover yourselves. Be modest. You don’t have to show everything to be seen. You’re already seen by the one who matters. And while we’re being honest, if you’re shacking up with a man, this might be your sign. You’ve been praying, asking God for confirmation. This is it. If that man keeps saying one day, but one day never comes? Baby, that’s your answer. And listen, I’m not bashing him. He might be a good man. I’m not bashing the men I was with. They were good men, just not for me. But that doesn’t mean he’s your man. Because when God joins something, it lines up your assignment, and his assignment will point in the same direction. If it’s always chaos. That’s not covenant, that’s confusion.
God is not the author of confusion. It does not take 10 years to decide. It doesn’t take 13, it doesn’t take 5. When it’s God, you won’t have to beg anybody to choose you. You will already know that you’ve already been chosen. So let’s pray. Father, I thank you for the daughter listening right now. You said your eyes are on the righteous and your ears are attentive to their cry, so hear her cry, Lord, for the woman who gave her all to a promise that broke, wrap her in your presence. For the one who keeps choosing men who won’t choose her, show her her worth. For the one raising babies by herself, send provision, send peace, send real help. For the woman who had an abortion and can’t forgive herself, let mercy speak louder than memory. For the one living in a house that looks like marriage but doesn’t give her courage and clarity, father, breathe on her identity again, restore her voice. Remind her she is chosen, capable, covered and clean. In Jesus name, amen.
If any of this hit you, if you heard yourself in any part of my story, email me at stories@theidentitymidwife.com. Or if you just need to say, hey, girl, you can reach me at hello@theidentitymidwife.com. So on the next episode, the purpose coach who saw me, how God used a woman to speak to the part of me I couldn’t even see yet, sis, you’ve been located. I’ll see you next time.
Before you go, take one more breath. The same God who shaped you still sees you. Every scar, every tear, every wind, nothing about your story is wasted. Today, speak to your heart, share with another woman who needs a reminder that she’s not alone. And when you’re ready to go deeper, everything you need is waiting for you in the show notes. Until next time. I’m Kishea Boyd, The Identity Midwife. And daughter, you’ve been located.